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Jul 12, 2015

Hare Krishna Dear Devotees
Please accept our humble obeisances.
All glories to Srila Prabhupada and his followers.

The Vivahamitra was started as an humble attempt to help the devotees to find their prospective spouses within the devotee community and so although, we used to get "Thank You" mails and...more

The Most Successful Vaishnava Matrimonial Service
Mar 26, 2008

The most successful vaishnava matrimonial service!!! Over 96 successful marriages so far!

Hare Krishna!!!
Please accept our humble obeisances. All glories to Srila Prabhupada and his followers.

Vivahamitra was started in early April 2002 with the blessings & guidance provided by HH Jayapataka Maharaja. It was earlier handled by HG...more

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Choosing a Partner
Mar 26, 2008

Choosing a Partner

Hearing from Srila Prabhupada:

The fulfilment of desires, therefore, should be entrusted to the Supreme Personality of Godhead; that is the nicest solution. Kardama Muni desired only a wife, but because he was a devotee of the Lord, the Lord selected a wife for him who was the Emperor's daughter, a princess. Thus Kardama Muni got a wife beyond his expectation. If we depend on the choice of the Supreme Personality of Godhead, we will receive benedictions in greater opulence than we desire.

SB.3.21.28

 

Formerly, boys and girls of similar dispositions were married; the similar natures of the boy and girl were united in order to make them happy. Not more than twenty-five years ago, and perhaps it is still current, parents in India used to consult the horoscope of the boy and girl to see whether there would be factual union in their psychological conditions. These considerations are very important. Nowadays marriage takes place without such consultation, and therefore, soon after the marriage, there is divorce and separation.

SB.3.21.15

 

Taking into consideration the physical beauty of the person.

Tamala Krishna: It was suggested that she get married and because of his body she said no... the only reason she said no, was because of a material reason. Not a spiritual reason. she said no because of her preference, material preference.

Prabhupada: Of course, as long as we have this material body, some material consideration must be there. (Chuckles) It is not possible to avoid completely.

Room conversation 9-24-68)

 

The psychology is that woman, the first man she meets and if she is kept carefully, she becomes staunch lover. This is psychology. There is good psychology in maintaining the society. Therefore a woman, especially in India, especially in Bengal, before attaining puberty, she was married. Not to meet the husband unless she attains puberty. But she remained at father's house, but she must know that: "I am married. I have got husband." This psychology. Then she becomes very chaste. Because she thinks of her husband, and becomes more and more devoted. So this arrangement that woman must be married before puberty. Or even after puberty, she must get a husband.

Bhagavad-gita lecture 1973

 

The psychology is that the girl, after her first menstruation, she enjoys sex life with a boy, she will never forget that boy. Her love for that boy is fixed up for good. This is woman’s psychology. And if she is allowed to have many, oh, she will never be a chaste woman. This is the psychology.

Room conversation 8-15-71

 

As soon as there is illicit sex there are so many difficulties. Of course nowadays it has all become very easy. Formerly it was very difficulty especially in India. Therefore a young girl was always protected, because if she mixes with the boys, somehow or other as soon as there is sex she becomes pregnant. And it will not be possible to get her married. No. Touched by the serpent. Vedic civilisation is very strict, because the whole aim as how to go back to home back to Godhead, Not sense gratification.

Bhagavad Gita lecture 8-4-73

 

According to Vedic system, marriage is a long program. The father of the girl and the boy first of all select. Then their horoscope should be consulted, how they will mix together, and then the family, then personal qualification, so many things... Then dowry... After all this consideration, when everything is satisfactory, then the father and mother of both sides will agree, and they will be married. That is marriage.

Room Conversation- Melbourne, April 7, 1972

 

According to astrological calculation, a person is classified according to whether he belongs to the godly or demoniac quality. In that way the spouse was selected. A girl of godly quality should be handed over to a boy of godly quality. A girl of demoniac quality should be handed over to a boy of demoniac quality. Then they will be happy. But if the girl is demoniac and the boy is godly, then the combination is incompatible; they cannot be happy in such a marriage. At the present moment, because boys and girls are not married according to quality and character, most marriages are unhappy, and there is divorce.

SB.3.24.15

 

It is recommended they should be married at very early age, then the wife will remain always chaste and devoted to her husband. At such young age, from the first night onwards, she can never for a moment forget him, being still child and unspoiled, therefore she becomes the perfect chaste wife, and in those times the wife was so much devoted to her husband that she would voluntarily die in the fire of his cremation, unable to live without him. Myself, I was very young when I got married, and my wife was 11 years only. But there is no question of separation in our marriage belief, neither your daughter will ever be separated from that boy, that is their vow. Rather, it is when people are a little grown-up, when they have got little independence and their own ways of doing things, then if they marry there is often difficulty to adjust, just as it is more difficult to bend the bamboo when it is yellow.

7th November, 1972 to Mr. Loy

 

A wife is meant to help, but she cannot help her husband unless he is completely equal to her in age, character and quality.

SB.3.22.11 Purport

 

TRANSLATION: A chaste woman should not be greedy, but satisfied in all circumstances. She must be very expert in handling household affairs and should be fully conversant with religious principles. She should speak pleasingly and truthfully and should be very careful and always clean and pure.

PURPORT: It is recommended, therefore, that a chaste wife not associate with a fallen husband. A fallen husband is one who is addicted to the four principles of sinful activity--namely illicit sex, meat-eating, gambling and intoxication. Specifically, if one is not a soul surrendered to the Supreme Personality of Godhead, he is understood to be contaminated. Thus a chaste woman is advised not to agree to serve such a husband. It is not that a chaste woman should be like a slave while her husband is naradhama, the lowest of men. Although the duties of a woman are different from those of a man, a chaste woman is not meant to serve a fallen husband. If her husband is fallen, it is recommended that she give up his association. Giving up the association of her husband does not mean, however, that a woman should marry again and thus indulge in prostitution. If a chaste woman unfortunately marries a husband who is fallen, she should live separately from him. Similarly, a husband can separate himself from a woman who is not chaste according to the description of the sastra. The conclusion is that a husband should be a pure Vaisnava and that a woman should be a chaste wife with all the symptoms described in this regard. Then both of them will be happy and make spiritual progress in Krishna consciousness.

SB.7.11.28

 

It is also significantly noted here that Kardama Muni was a brahmana whereas Emperor Svayambhuva was a ksatriya. Therefore, intercaste marriage was current even in those days. The system was that a brahmana could marry the daughter of a ksatriya, but a ksatriya could not marry the daughter of a brahmana. We have evidences from the history of the Vedic age that Sukracarya offered his daughter to Maharaja Yayati, but the king had to refuse to marry the daughter of a brahmana: only with the special permission of the brahmana could they marry. Intercaste marriage, therefore, was not prohibited in the olden days many millions of years ago, but there was a regular system of social behaviour.

SB.3.21.28

 

Another feature of this incident is that Svayambhuva Manu was the emperor, but he went to offer his qualified daughter to a poor brahmana. Kardama Muni had no worldly possessions—he was a hermit living in the forest—but he was advanced in culture. Therefore, in offering one’s daughter to a person, the culture and quality are counted as prominent, not wealth or any other material consideration.

SB.3.22.13

 

Relevant Letters

Regarding the relationship with ____, first there must be a trial period, as you know, during which you both must become completely convinced that you want this relationship. We should also test the astrological compatibility to make sure that it is auspicious. Once we are convinced that this relationship can work, then you can proceed with the next step.

Certainly if you both remain responsible in your personal endeavours for Krishna consciousness, you can help one another to advance. A marriage in Krishna consciousness is like a partnership between two devotees who agree to help each other to make spiritual progress and to help each other respect the disciplines that are necessary for that. Problems arise in the lives of Grhasthas when they forget their identities as servants and start to think of enjoying the facility that married life offers.

Jagadish lett.

 

Be responsible and careful in deŽveloping this relationship. Go forward slowly and try to be sure that you are compatible with one another before you decide defiŽnitely to get married. A very important principle for every devotee to consider before entering a relationship with a wife or a husband is that one must be prepared to accept the other as they are. One should not think that he/she will change the other person to be the way he/she wants them to be. I have seen that when a husband or a wife enters a relationship with this idea, hoping to change the other one, there will almost always be difficulties in the marriage.

Jagadish lett.

 

You have asked for some advice. My advice is to go slowly and be sure before you take the big step. If you want to set a date, set it a reasonable distance in advance. Don't rush the matter. Give yourselves plenty of time to be confident. Neither should feel obliged in the relationship until both actually decide definitively to get married. Learn to respect one another. Without respect there is no basis for a marriage, especially in Krishna Consciousness. Romantic love is not necessarily respect. Many times couples marry with romantic notions about each other, but later, when they know each other better, the romance ends and they loose respect. Search for this respect for one another. Don't marry before you have found it.

Jagadish lett.

 

Krishna consciousness is a voluntary thing. A woman's acceptance of a husband is also a voluntary thing. It should be on the basis of a desire to please Krishna that husband and wife accept one another and try to help one another in their spiritual progress. Don't try to change her to make her into what you want her to be. If you want a wife like that don't get married, because there are no women who are willing to be moulded according to the way a man wants. They are individuals, they have their personalities. If you can't accept her as she is, then please don't marry her. If you accept her as she is, then she will be happy and obedient and she will give her life to you. On the other hand, if you are always trying to change her she will be unhappy and she will naturally then manifest her independence in a way you won't like.

Certainly you can give her suggestions and indicate to her your expectations for how you would like her to behave. Then give her credit for being intelligent and let her try to satisfy you. If she can't then probably you shouldn't marry her.

Jagadish lett.

 

Selection Process

This selection process is traditionally done by loving parents in a supportive community environment. The father of the girl, they’ll find out a suitable boy. This boy and this girl would live very happily by horoscope calculation. Then the family consideration, whether the boy is coming from suitable family or the girl is coming. So many things were there. But that kind of marriage is practically already stopped.

SB Lecture- Bombay 1974

 

So these marriage things are done very psychologically, scientifically, so that they may become happy, and then in peaceful mind, combine together, good co-operation, they make progress, spiritual.

Room conversation Vrndavana 6/28/77

 

Consultation with close devotee friends, the greatest essentials for success are having trust and respect for the man. The goal of life must be something the woman can gladly support. It is also crucial that the man and woman’s natures and characters are equal in quality. As Krishna told Rukmini, “ Select a suitable husband who is actually and equal to you in opulence, family tradition, wealth beauty, education in all respects. (Krishna Book. Vol. 2 chapter 5) Careful choosing includes an intensive interviewing process which scrutinises the man’s direction and character over a period of time and under various circumstances.

There may be some man, especially in western society, who are too much damaged and scarred from their dysfunctional upbringings. They may never respond properly and may even take an abusive position. However, it is surprising how the majority (even those who initially appear difficult) do responded. Hopefully, in your careful choosing process, you have eliminated those cases too severe for you. Perhaps another woman whose skill and taste is more compatible with his needs will have better luck with him. If a man is working on himself, especially in conjunction with a support system of Godbrothers, a woman’s loving appreciation is the perfect catalyst for further inspiration.

(From: Success in the Grihastha Ashram by Jaya Sila Das)




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